what do you want, what do you need? what is it that hides inside of me that keeps you yearning? what makes you seek amends, what do you search for? what keeps you coming back to attempt me all over again?
what have we shared other than saliva and moans in darkened rooms? what impression do we…
it was dumb even seeing you again. bitter brittney is back with a vengance and now I’m pushing everyone away from me slowly because I’d forgotten how bad you made me feel. and now to tell me the one time you made me exuberantly happy, you were lying to avoid confrontation, just makes me want to head off somewhere and fall down a deep hole.
who tells a girl he wants to be her boyfriend if he doesn’t want to or have any intention of ever wanting to? and then who later tells her, after she’s called him out on what an utter asshole he was for just letting it all disintegrate, that he didn’t mean what he said about wanting to be her boyfriend in the first place?
you can’t expect me to just get over it. now I remember why I didn’t want a boyfriend and I could live happily on my own, because the thought of anyone touching me or being nice to me fills me with such utter dread on the chance they might do exactly what you did. I can’t trust niceness from anyone, because you of all people seemed so real and were the most fake.
“
and then there are some who
believe that old
relationships can be
revived and made new
again.
but please
if you feel that way
don’t phone
don’t write
don’t arrive.
everything is confusing me lately. can’t people just be straight up about what they’re here for?
I don’t need you to validate how I feel. I don’t need you to try and make me okay. I don’t need your misunderstanding or your snide remarks or your feigned confusion at the truths I spill without hesitation to make it clearer for you to understand. I don’t need your arms or your lips or your bed to get through the day. I don’t need you.
